So, I have an OKCupid account. I'm always slightly embarrassed about this, though not hugely, since, let's face it: if you're reading this, meeting people off the internet probably is or has been a part of your life also, to some capacity. I think in the past five or six years I've met maybe fiveish people from there, all of whom were relatively normal and none of whom I was particularly interested in, if I recall.

Anyway, today I get this email:

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intercat:

We are very pleased to report that you are in the top half of OkCupid's most attractive users. The scales recently tipped in your favor, and we thought you'd like to know.

How can we say this with confidence? We've tracked click-thrus on your photo and analyzed other people's reactions to you in QuickMatch and Quiver.

. . .

Your new elite status comes with one important privilege:

You will now see more attractive people in your match results.

This new status won't affect your actual match percentages, which are still based purely on your answers and desired match's answers. But the people we recommend will be more attractive. Also! You'll be shown to more attractive people in their match results.

. . .

Suddenly, the world is your oyster. Login now and reap the rewards. And, no, we didn't just send this email to everyone on OkCupid. Go ask an ugly friend and see.

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Like... I find this disturbing on so many levels, I don't even know where to begin. Suddenly -- suddenly! -- the world is my oyster! Yesterday, when apparently I was in the uglier half of users, man, I was boned. Except not so much, I guess.

What the fuck is wrong with you, Internet?